6 Steps for College Grads
You've just graduated.
Congrats! You're feeling good about yourself. Hopeful, excited, sexy, a bit
scared, and most of all -- uncertain. I faced all of that exactly one year ago.
Don't worry; I've got your back. Take a breath. Relax your scrotum. Get ready to
read your future and follow these steps to not falling flat on your
degree wielding face. Here's what you do:
Take a few days for
yourself.
Really. You'll be doing
a lot of work for the rest of your summer and the rest of your life. Take those
satisfying post-baccalaureate days to recoup from your caffeine crammed
finals week and booze laden graduation week to let your major life
accomplishment sink into your skin-- along with those golden rays of summer
sunshine.
Fudge. The verb, not
the noun.
Those "entry level
jobs" you'll be looking for almost always require 3-5 years of experience.
Aside from copying down your personal information 40 times a day, this will be
one of the biggest annoyances of your job searching life. So, I say to you now
as a friend, even a similarly aged competitor in the same job market, fudge
that shit. If you want experience in something, say you have experience in that
something (and eventually you won't be a liar). I've met countless
under-qualified snot rag employees who get jobs that way. And they largely get
paid more than me. It works and will save you from moving back in with Mom and
Dad. Fudge.
Note-- I signed up for
temp agency after applying to approx 50 different jobs. I recommend signing up
with one sooner.
Accept your fate.
What lies ahead of you
is a dull office job. Don't fight it. Accept it. Accept the office as the place where
careers and livelihoods happen. Accepting this simple truth to yourself will
make the transition less painful.
Acclimate to boredom.
At your desk, in
meetings, and even at home... the excitement of your
now historic college life will run through your mind. It's more
exciting than "grown up" life. It just is. Our job as civilized
members of society is to acclimate to the mundane realities of life.
Gossip with your
co-workers. Grab a beer at lunch. Post those profane sticky notes on your
deskmate's monitor. You will feel like the dreary humdrum of
life has consumed your soul. It hasn't. You just work with boring twats. Find
your routine and small flares in life that will help you adjust to this new
stage of existence.
401(k). Seriously.
Many of you are
thinking, "the fuck is 401(k)?" Well, it's your future. It's what
will stop you from being a Wal-Mart greeter 60 years from now. Getting a head
start on my retirement numbers among the smartest things I've ever done. If
your work doesn't offer retirement benefits, go for an individual retirement
account (IRA). Seriously.
Find the time, then
find your passion.
One year removed from my
college career and I have way less free time than anticipated.
Sure, there are no tests
or essays. Weekends are pretty kick ass that way. But you're stuck in the same
place, 8-5 every day. Not just the same campus or area, the same exact fucking
chair. Then you'll fight through traffic and any other stupid errands to get
home around 6 or 7. Then you have to go to bed at a reasonable time to make
sure you don't go sleep deprived crazy all over co-worker Pam's stupid face.
So, once your
aforementioned routine is set, find a passion -- maybe it'll be a new one to
you. Try running, community soccer games, reddit, biking, reddit, casual reading (I totally forgot that was
a thing in college), maybe even reddit. Let this new thing be that very necessary release in this new stage of your life.
Good luck and Godspeed.
